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| [image courtesy of nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net] |
So often I am presented in a therapy session with the issue of Family Time and Communication - in today's world, it is hard to balance work life, personal time, and being present for our partner and children. Or if the time is available, families are not always sure exactly how to connect - especially with teens. Parents can feel like no matter what they try, their child is uninterested in talking with them. They pick them up from school and ask, "How was your day?" only to get a neutral, tight-lipped response. Or they try taking them out for something "fun" only to get the same reaction as always - short sentences that don't reveal much.
One suggestion I make is to connect with a person by meeting them where they are at, and in the case of trying to connect with kids and teens, where they are at is usually online! There are many social media platforms for a reason, people love to be in communication with one another - especially your teenager!
Since your kids are more than likely spending most of their time and energy on their phone or tablet, why not try connecting with them there? Sites like Snap Chat, Facebook, Twitter, and Periscope may sound overwhelming at first but they don't have to be. Many of the families I work with start with almost zero knowledge in navigating social media. I work with teens a lot in my practice, therefore, I make it my business to know about trends and popular media, but I understand that the average working adult does not have time to do the same. For this reason, I have put together a short list of ways to use popular sites to a family's advantage.
I'm going to give a few examples and break it down so that it is simple and easy to apply right away. Find what works for you - for some, one site/application may fit better than others or you may choose to use all of them in different ways:
- Periscope - this is probably the one that gets the most questions. It is a new form of social media that has been gaining popularity by the minute.
- What It Is: It's actually very simple, once you open the app from your phone, there is a small camera icon on the bottom where you can "Broadcast Now"/record LIVE video of yourself, wherever you are. I've seen broadcasts from personal trainers giving gym advice to personal broadcasts discussing the annoyances of morning traffic. People tune in to broadcasts and live chat during the feed. Some respond to the comments or questions they are given as part of the live broadcast. After the video is ended, it is available for people to see for up to 24 hours; after that, it is permanently deleted.
- How It Can Help Families Communicate More: On Periscope, you can create a live broadcast group that is closed - meaning that only you and your family members will be able to watch the videos and have access to them for the 24 hour time period. Once your group is created, use it to send each other videos that keep each other updated on happenings or just to reach out
- Ideas of What to 'Scope (broadcast): create broadcasts of your daily struggle with the family pet, your downtime at the office, a family birthday party for one of the kids who may be away for school, an outing to a sports event/performance, a random silly thought or moment you are having, etc
- Bonus Tips: tap the screen during a live broadcast to give hearts (similar to a "Like" on Facebook or Instagram) and use the chat window to talk to them while they are broadcasting. Also, remember that videos are available for 24 hours, so don't worry if family members aren't able to tune in live
- Snap Chat - This is probably one of the best ways I have found to communicate with a teenage family member. In my personal experience, it allowed me to bond very quickly. Once we started sharing on Snap Chat I began to receive pictures of her in class, hear her thoughts about classmates and teachers - things I never would have known just by asking over the phone
- What It Is: Once you open the phone app, you will be prompted to take a photo. This is where Snap Chat differs from other platforms such as Instagram; you can only take a photo of what is in front of you, never an upload of a previously saved photo. You take a photo and then add words or emojis to it by tapping the Text "T" in the upper right hand corner (very short sentences only). You also add color or drawings to your photos by tapping the pencil (also in the upper right hand corner). You then have the option of downloading the photo to save for later (downward arrow on the bottom of the screen), adding it to your "Story" (much like status updates on Facebook - using the Square with a "+" on the bottom of the screen), or send the photo to one of your friends/contacts (using the arrow on the bottom of the screen)
- How It Can Help Families Communicate More: Because only live photos are allowed, Snap Chat becomes a way to keep your loved ones updated on your day - as well as your thoughts and feelings. Add your partner and kids as your friends, and start sharing right away! Keep a "Story" going of things you want to share and watch their updates too.
- Ideas of What to Snap: if dad is out spending time playing golf with friends, snap a quick picture and make a witty comment; take a picture of something funny at the grocery store (overpriced items? empty shelves? someone's favorite food item?); kids can share updates from sports practice; show a great meal you just had for lunch
- Bonus Tips: Snap Chat also allows video - instead of tapping the button to take a photo, hold it down to make a short video. Make sure you watch their updates and if you see something interesting or funny, Snap them about it! Also, use the text and drawing additions to make your snaps humorous.
- Facebook Group - this one falls in familiar territory for most, as the majority of people I come in contact with for therapy have a Facebook profile or are at least knowledgeable about the site
- What It Is: On Facebook, groups can be created by anyone. You just sign in and find "Create Group" from the menu on the left side of the home page. From there, you can create a group name and invite members. You can decide if your group is private or open to the public. Groups serve the function of sharing information, pictures, articles, and other links on a similar interest of the group members. You can see when a group has updates by either choosing to receive notifications or noticing a number next to the group name from the home page menu (the number indicates how many new updates there have been)
- How It Can Help Families Communicate More: Create a funny group name together. Stay in touch and add humor and fun to your day by sharing interesting updates, pictures or other things you see online. For groups, you can have as many family members included as you want and it is a great way to let family members know what is going on without having to reach out to each person separately
- Ideas of What to Post in the Group: funny memes/photos you see online, share videos you see from others on your timeline, make status announcements of happenings or just random thoughts, reminders of favorite family pastimes such as TV shows you watch together, remind family members of an upcoming sports game or performance that a family member will be doing, update on rival sports teams
- Bonus Tip: if necessary, you can have a separate group for immediate family and extended family, that way you can share different information depending on your audience. Groups can be better than the common "group chat" (private messaging to more than one person, similar to a group text) because people often complain about the constant notifications on their phone. In a group, you can choose what you want to look at and respond to, and ignore the rest.
- Know that you will have to take a the initiative first and prompt the contact with your teen. Don't be discouraged if you don't receive an enthusiastic response right away. If you are working on family communication and building a bond, let them get used to you reaching out
- Your updates, Scopes, Snaps, etc do not have to be monumental. Just a picture of a meal can start a conversation; don't over-think it
- Realize that what is popular in technology changes all the time; your kids may not want to use a certain social media platform anymore because it is "old." Just find out what they are into and try to educate yourself. (And, if it helps, you can always check my site for any updates I hear about :) )
- When you are communicating via video, keep it short. Most people are discouraged from watching a video just because of the length. Videos should be as little as 6 seconds up to nothing too much longer than 30 seconds
- Lastly, if you want to reach out for clarity on any of the things I've discussed here, do not hesitate to reach out to me - send an email to csolutionstherapy@gmail.com
These are just a few examples - Share what you know for others to learn from! Any thoughts on the sites mentioned above? What has worked for you? What other useful platforms are out there?
-written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with couples and families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. To find out more about my therapy practice, visit www.csolutionstherapy.com. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com
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