Killing Your Child's Spirit and Confidence With Your Words?

I saw a woman outside the grocery store a few months back, and it stuck with me to this day. She was standing there, talking down to her son in such a horrible way.. She wasn't even yelling and yet it broke my heart. He appeared to be in his early teens. Maybe 12 or 13, unsure of himself, and growing more and more embarrassed by the second. He couldn't do anything about it, and he knew..so he just sat there taking it, stewing inside. "What are you, stupid?" "You just DECIDED I wanted my cart over there, huh?" "Didn't nobody tell you to move; don't be thinking you know something when you don't know nothin." It was sad; this picture reminds me of that moment. 

Clearly this mother, like many, is stressed. Maybe she's having a rough day, maybe everything in the family falls on her... Whatever may be going on is more than likely a valid reason for lashing out at her son - logically speaking, that is. But what she's not understanding is, her son is at a pivotal age. Every time she speaks to him, she is giving him messages about who he is & she is laying foundation for the young man he will become. For that reason, there is no excuse. Stress or no stress, it is our responsibility as parents to deal with our issues separately. A bad circumstance can not make it okay for us to interact in ways that are destructive. We need a support system - friends, a mentor, a therapist - and it must be utilized often. 

Are you speaking life into your children?

The way we treat our children sets up their expectation for when they leave our homes. They let the outside world treat them the way they are used to being treated at home. The personal power we give them at home - letting them make their own choices, encouraging them to make better choices and NOT breaking them down when they make mistakes - is the way we give them self worth and confidence to succeed, resist peer pressure, etc. 

What ways do you build your child up?

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com