CST Book Recommendation: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

I always suggest books, movies, and activities to clients as a supplement to therapy. They are a great way for clients to solidify and continue the changes we are discussing in session. This book has been a GREAT tool for clients. It is by one of my favorite self-help/therapy topic authors, Lundy Bancroft - along with JAC Patrissi. When I looked it up on Amazon to make the suggestion, I found the perfect synopsis -  the authors "offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward-with or without their partners.

Women involved in chronically frustrating or unfulfilling relationships will learn to:

-Tell the difference between a healthy-yet-difficult relationship and one that is really not working

- Recognize the signs that their partner has a serious problem

- Stop waiting to see what happens-and make their own growth the top priority

- Prepare for life without their partner-even as they keep trying to make the relationship work" 

I suggest keeping a journal while reading books, especially one this thought-provoking and engaging. If anyone has read this book, or plans to, I would love to hear about it!

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Parents - What if You Could Set Your Phone to: Call Me if the Liquor Cabinet Opens?

#CSTrecommendation for Parents - Apps that help you monitor your home!

Technology is amazing. There's an app for just about everything, whether useful or completely pointless but entertaining. Every once in a while, there's something I see that grabs my attention and I think, "This would be great for a client!" 

Feature in Article for Woman's Day Magazine - "9 Things You Should Never Ask of Your Husband"

I was recently interviewed for an article appearing on WomansDay.com! The article deals with expectations in a marriage, and ways we can balance these expectations with the conflicts that arise in a relationship. Myself, and other professionals weigh in on this topic and share some advice from a mental health/therapy perspective.  See the Article Here On Woman's Day - and I will also provide a little information here!

The 9 Things Are:
1. To choose between you and his mother
2. To listen to you like a female friend would
3. To never notice another woman
4. To give up his passions, whether professional or personal
5. To be a different man
6. To stop seeing his friends
7. To remember every moment in your relationship that was special to you
8. To share all of your interests
9. To be the bigger person when you're acting childish

Here are examples from two of the places I am quoted (but I encourage you to read the entire article! Very constructive advice):

It's natural to occasionally wonder why did I marry this person? after many years together. But remember that a trait you loathe in your husband may be the flip-side of one you love, says South Florida–based licensed marriage and family therapist Nakya Reeves. Say your spontaneous husband has trouble staying on schedule. Reeves suggests picking your battles: You may really need him to pick the kids up on time, but let his habit of being late for dinner go.

As for the truly crucial tasks, "explain to him where the duty fits in for the family's overall plan for the day; then, discuss your responsibilities," Reeves advises. "That way, he feels like he’s a part of the decision to take accountability for picking up the children, rather than simply feeling he’s being nagged."

Giving silent treatment and withholding affection (especially sex) in order to get your way is juvenile and counterintuitive: Instead of reacting to you, your husband will likely retreat. Being passive-aggressive “is one of the most destructive forms of relationship communication— it creates a negative cycle that only gets worse and creates anger and resentment," Reeves explains.

If you feel like your husband owes you an apology, don't make your feelings sound less important than they are (passive), and don't attack him (aggressive)," Reeves says. "Instead, be assertive with an "I statement"—"I feel hurt when you ignore me because it makes me feel like you’re not taking into consideration what I have to say. I feel I deserve an apology for the way you dismissed me yesterday at dinner; next time, could you please acknowledge me?"

 

 

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Killing Your Child's Spirit and Confidence With Your Words?

I saw a woman outside the grocery store a few months back, and it stuck with me to this day. She was standing there, talking down to her son in such a horrible way.. She wasn't even yelling and yet it broke my heart. He appeared to be in his early teens. Maybe 12 or 13, unsure of himself, and growing more and more embarrassed by the second. He couldn't do anything about it, and he knew..so he just sat there taking it, stewing inside. "What are you, stupid?" "You just DECIDED I wanted my cart over there, huh?" "Didn't nobody tell you to move; don't be thinking you know something when you don't know nothin." It was sad; this picture reminds me of that moment. 

If Weight Loss Is Your New Year's Resolution

As I see the New Year's Resolution posts I just want to remind you - female AND male - that you are bigger than the number on the scale. I support health and wellness, but please make sure workout goals are just that. Anything overboard to look a certain way or gain acceptance is unhealthy. And if that's the case, strive for self-acceptance this year 💚💛💙

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

#Selfies - Using the Self-Portrait in the Therapy Room

If you are not aware, "selfie" is a term used in popular media to describe a picture that is taken by a person of that person. Selfies are fun - we see pictures of people holding their phones in just the right position to capture a new outfit, an exciting moment, new hairstyle, or whatever. Selfies show the world what we are doing, and how good we look doing it! It's probably the most common way of sharing photos on Instagram, Facebook, SnapChat - you name it. You see the word everywhere - articles, blogs...I think there is even a show called Selfie (though I'm not sure if the same definition applies). So how can this phenomenon, commonly used for entertainment, be helpful in a therapeutic way?