Nakya Reeves, LMFT cited in Ebony Magazine article - "16 Rules for Back to School"

Just in time for the back to school season, Ebony Magazine has released an article, "16 Rules for Back to School" by Nina Malkin, in their August 2015 issue - in which I had the pleasure of being cited as an expert source! The article is a wonderful aid for parents who are getting ready for the upcoming school year, whether dealing with first time Kindergarteners or children who transitioning back into the groove. "Ebony got together with experts, bloggers, and real parents like you, culling their best tips and techniquest to make the school year as easy as A-B-C" (quote from the article).

It covers helpful routines, handling the morning, what to do about bullying, learning challenges, and more! I was able to give a little insight that relates to the issues I encounter with families I see in therapy.

Here's a little of what I had to say for the article:

CST Recommendation: Film, "Depression: Out of the Shadows"

During my time working at an inpatient treatment facility for substance-using teens, I spent a lot of time looking for videos to show them. One particular day, I found this film at a local library, "Depression: Out of the Shadows" and I was so happy I did! It's a very informative film, but despite its educational format, most of the teens were glued to the screen.

Is My Relationship Healthy? Recognizing a Toxic Relationship and What to Do About It

Oftentimes clients come to therapy because they have choices to make. Something does not feel right in their life, and they needs the time and space to figure out what to do about it - and sometimes IF there is even something that needs to be done.

A common question I have seen clients deal with is: "Is my relationship healthy?" There is a line that separates normal relationship ups and downs from behaviors that are damaging and unhealthy. How can you assess where your relationship falls?

In determining this, here are a few things to think about (and remember, these points are valid in any relationship. Romantic relationships are not the only types of relationships that can be toxic):

• Take a look at your everyday life, and weigh out if the relationship is draining you of energy or resources. You should be receiving more energy from your relationship than you are exerting.
• When it comes to your private life, take an honest assessment of the things you are doing "in the name of love." Are you doing things you are uncomfortable with admitting to? Can you readily admit to your actions to the people who know you best and care for you? This can be a red flag because love should not humiliate us.
• Look at your future goals and aspirations. If you are not pursuing something you want in life (a job, a move, another friendship/relationship) because it threatens the relationship in question, then this is a sign that something is very wrong. Healthy relationships allow for growth

If you notice that you are in a relationship that you need to disconnect from, it can be hard to break out of old habits. Here a few suggestions for creating positive change:

CST Book Recommendation: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

I always suggest books, movies, and activities to clients as a supplement to therapy. They are a great way for clients to solidify and continue the changes we are discussing in session. This book has been a GREAT tool for clients. It is by one of my favorite self-help/therapy topic authors, Lundy Bancroft - along with JAC Patrissi. When I looked it up on Amazon to make the suggestion, I found the perfect synopsis -  the authors "offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward-with or without their partners.

Women involved in chronically frustrating or unfulfilling relationships will learn to:

-Tell the difference between a healthy-yet-difficult relationship and one that is really not working

- Recognize the signs that their partner has a serious problem

- Stop waiting to see what happens-and make their own growth the top priority

- Prepare for life without their partner-even as they keep trying to make the relationship work" 

I suggest keeping a journal while reading books, especially one this thought-provoking and engaging. If anyone has read this book, or plans to, I would love to hear about it!

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Be Curious About Their Hobbies!

A little morning humor, but still a good message. Magic is a card game, a pretty involved one with tournaments, judges, online content, a storyline, etc. One of the most effective things that I do as a therapist is actually very simple: Being Curious. I ask questions about what my clients are interested in, I connect it with what I may already know about it, and even look up more to be better informed. Showing respect for your child's interests/hobbies is one of the best ways to connect with your growing teen. They're starting to form their own identity and you want to be sure you get "in" during the beginning stages of that. Parents always tell me they feel as if they don't know their child or that they're child "isn't being the person they used to be" - being curious is how you prevent that. [And like the picture says, cultivating these hobbies can provide them many alternatives to drug and alcohol abuse. The more options, the better]

What are some things you learned from your child? What interests have they introduced you to?

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

What Do You Give Your Child To Choose Instead of Drugs?

Notice all the choices shown? Parents, if you expect your teen to make better choices than using drugs/alcohol, you should take responsibility by GIVING THEM THESE CHOICES. Does your teen have any athletic involvement? Have you signed them up for a music/Art/photography class? Do you know what their hobbies are and support them? What are the things your family participates in, as a unit, on a weekly basis?

If you can't provide these answers, then how do you expect your child to pull tools from an empty toolbox? 

All this week, 2/23/15-2/27/15, I will be focusing on providing information focused on the Parent-Teen relationship. Check back everyday for my posts, comment your thoughts, share them to others, and check back other weeks for a focus on many different therapy-related issues.

 

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Nakya Reeves, LMFT featured in article for Celebrity Parents Magazine Online! How to Make Sure to Have Date Night

 

I was recently featured in an article in Celebrity Parents Magazine online! Click here to see the article at Celebrity Parents . The article is a great read for busy parents who are looking to reconnect and keep their relationship a priority - all while balancing children, work, family, and love. This can be tough! With Valentine's Day coming up, it is nice to take some time and reflect on what you can be doing to keep your status as a COUPLE, in addition to your role as parents. Check out the article and comment your thoughts!

 



- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with communication issues within relationships. I also offer PhotoTherapy, which integrates photography as a therapy method. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com - visit my website www.csolutionstherapy.com

Parents - What if You Could Set Your Phone to: Call Me if the Liquor Cabinet Opens?

#CSTrecommendation for Parents - Apps that help you monitor your home!

Technology is amazing. There's an app for just about everything, whether useful or completely pointless but entertaining. Every once in a while, there's something I see that grabs my attention and I think, "This would be great for a client!" 

Killing Your Child's Spirit and Confidence With Your Words?

I saw a woman outside the grocery store a few months back, and it stuck with me to this day. She was standing there, talking down to her son in such a horrible way.. She wasn't even yelling and yet it broke my heart. He appeared to be in his early teens. Maybe 12 or 13, unsure of himself, and growing more and more embarrassed by the second. He couldn't do anything about it, and he knew..so he just sat there taking it, stewing inside. "What are you, stupid?" "You just DECIDED I wanted my cart over there, huh?" "Didn't nobody tell you to move; don't be thinking you know something when you don't know nothin." It was sad; this picture reminds me of that moment. 

Children are a Reflection of the Communication We Have with Them

Be mindful of the messages you send your child through the feedback you give them. If what we pay attention to is what we get more of, it would stand to reason that our children will continue to reflect what we are pointing out. Do an honest assessment of the communication you have with your child. If you find that the majority of the messages focus on what they are doing wrong, what they could be doing better, and what improvements they should be making - do an overhaul on your output! It may not seem like it, since teens are constantly showing us that they DON'T care what we have to say - but self esteem is built and broken first and foremost in the home. 

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Parenting Tip: The Airplane Metaphor

There's a metaphor I have used for years in practicing therapy with families. Specifically, parents who are stressed and need a little encouragement to take a little focus off the needs of their family and place some of that energy back into themselves. I call that metaphor, "The Airplane Metaphor."  It's been a while since my school and/or intern days, so I can't even remember where I got it from, or what theories came together to word it so well, but I do know this - it gets the point across every time. 

Using Rituals as Ways of Symbolically Letting Go

When dealing with deep issues from the past, a great deal of the work in therapy involves coping with what has happened and finding ways of moving forward. As you are dealing with your emotions, it can be helpful to find creative ways of letting go. Over the years, I have worked with clients who have found many ways of doing just that. Here are a few examples: