Feature in Article for Woman's Day Magazine - "9 Things You Should Never Ask of Your Husband"

I was recently interviewed for an article appearing on WomansDay.com! The article deals with expectations in a marriage, and ways we can balance these expectations with the conflicts that arise in a relationship. Myself, and other professionals weigh in on this topic and share some advice from a mental health/therapy perspective.  See the Article Here On Woman's Day - and I will also provide a little information here!

The 9 Things Are:
1. To choose between you and his mother
2. To listen to you like a female friend would
3. To never notice another woman
4. To give up his passions, whether professional or personal
5. To be a different man
6. To stop seeing his friends
7. To remember every moment in your relationship that was special to you
8. To share all of your interests
9. To be the bigger person when you're acting childish

Here are examples from two of the places I am quoted (but I encourage you to read the entire article! Very constructive advice):

It's natural to occasionally wonder why did I marry this person? after many years together. But remember that a trait you loathe in your husband may be the flip-side of one you love, says South Florida–based licensed marriage and family therapist Nakya Reeves. Say your spontaneous husband has trouble staying on schedule. Reeves suggests picking your battles: You may really need him to pick the kids up on time, but let his habit of being late for dinner go.

As for the truly crucial tasks, "explain to him where the duty fits in for the family's overall plan for the day; then, discuss your responsibilities," Reeves advises. "That way, he feels like he’s a part of the decision to take accountability for picking up the children, rather than simply feeling he’s being nagged."

Giving silent treatment and withholding affection (especially sex) in order to get your way is juvenile and counterintuitive: Instead of reacting to you, your husband will likely retreat. Being passive-aggressive “is one of the most destructive forms of relationship communication— it creates a negative cycle that only gets worse and creates anger and resentment," Reeves explains.

If you feel like your husband owes you an apology, don't make your feelings sound less important than they are (passive), and don't attack him (aggressive)," Reeves says. "Instead, be assertive with an "I statement"—"I feel hurt when you ignore me because it makes me feel like you’re not taking into consideration what I have to say. I feel I deserve an apology for the way you dismissed me yesterday at dinner; next time, could you please acknowledge me?"

 

 

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com