Parenting Tip: The Airplane Metaphor

There's a metaphor I have used for years in practicing therapy with families. Specifically, parents who are stressed and need a little encouragement to take a little focus off the needs of their family and place some of that energy back into themselves. I call that metaphor, "The Airplane Metaphor."  It's been a while since my school and/or intern days, so I can't even remember where I got it from, or what theories came together to word it so well, but I do know this - it gets the point across every time. 

When you are on a plane, before take off, the flight attendant always gives the "in case of emergency" directions, which includes a procedure for when air pressure in the cabin falls: the air masks will fall down and it is your job to place the mask around your nose and mouth to keep yourself from losing air and passing out. One thing they ALWAYS point out, and I've personally heard them direct this to mothers in particular, is that you have to put YOUR mask on BEFORE affixing a mask to your child's face. Why do they do this? Because most parents would make the obvious choice of saving their child first, right? Well, if you make the choice that most "loving, sacrificing, protective" parents make, you actually risk both yours and your child's life. You can't be fiddling around with the air mask while you can't breathe. You could pass out before ever affixing the mask correctly and now you're BOTH unconscious. 

I LOVE this metaphor. It directly gets at the root of a lot of the stress involved in everyday parenting. There is a myth that in order to be a "good" parent you must be willing to sacrifice all the things you care about in order to put all your focus on your child. It's fine if you're out of shape, looking unkempt, and haven't eaten since breakfast - as long as your child is healthy, happy, and well-fed, right? Wrong. The minute you stop taking care of yourself FIRST - yes, I said FIRST - is the minute you begin a steady decline into losing the ability to effectively take care of your children. A stressed, poorly taken care of parent will eventually deplete their energy to the point of not being able to take care of ANYONE. You have to take care of you in order to keep your energy, well being, and mental health at a level where you are able to take care of your family. Look at the gym, a night out with your partner or friends, a trip to the spa, etc as a parenting technique. Because it is 😊

What ways do you take care of yourself throughout the week, in order to keep yourself able to effectively parent?

-written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist located in South Florida. I specialize in addressing communication issues within couple, family, and parent-teen relationships, as well as using photography as a therapy method. I can be contacted at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com