Self-Nurturing as a Parenting Practice

The quote shown in the picture speaks to many parents and brings up the discussion of raising self-sufficient children. While it also discusses the boundary of what is considered too much indulgence or the line where actions can be considered as "spoiling" children, I want to focus on the part that mentions teaching. Many parents put a lot of effort into the actions they perform in the name of nurturing their children on a daily basis; some even consider sacrifice as the best parenting practice. Parents would do well to take caution in their behaviors, however, because while you may feel that tending to your children and ignoring your own needs is a good way to show children that they are important - you can actually be choosing behaviors that are counteracting your intentions.
Children do not learn that they are important because you sacrifice your needs for theirs (excessively so), they learn how to take care of themselves by observing how their parents take care of THEMSELVES, not the children. Be careful you are not reinforcing a pattern of self-sacrifice and considering others' needs to be more important than "self" needs. Depending on what your children observe, they can be at risk for low self esteem, unhealthy and/or abusive relationships, peer pressure to abuse substances, etc. Even eating disorders have a role here - when children see parents not taking care of themselves and struggling with weight issues or self esteem problems - despite what positive messages parents may be SAYING to their children - they can internalize these issues and behave similarly. The most important thing we can pass to our children is self-nurturing. They learn to value themselves by seeing how well we take care of ourselves.

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com