How to Make it Easier to Communicate with Your Teen

In my work with teens, I've seen and heard many issues arise across the board. There are just some things that are common amongst this population, no matter what the original problem was that brought them to therapy. One such issue is the low quality of communication between teens and their parents. And oftentimes the main issue there is a teen feeling misunderstood, or as if their thoughts and opinions are belittled. 

When teens feel as if an adult doesn't take what they have to say seriously, they begin to react the same way when the adult is speaking to them. With this comes the disrespect and opposition that parents often complain of. Communication is something I enjoy working on with families because there are usually small changes - small, not easy - that can be made to affect family life in a big way. This is one of those times. I advise parents in cases like these to slow down and simply listen when their teen is telling them something. So often as adults, we want to jump in and correct what the teen is saying. If it's about a romantic relationship, issues with classmates, trouble with a teacher, or a number of other issues we are far removed from - we have a tendency to dismiss it. Maybe our intentions are to put it into perspective so the child doesn't feel as overwhelmed; however good our intentions may be, this never gets positive results. Instead, teens feel disregarded and as though the adult simply "just doesn't get it." 

Try to empathize instead. Remember how you used to feel as a teen. Maybe high school isn't the most important thing long term, but when you were young, it was where you spent most of your time and energy. Allow them to live in their reality and make yourself a support person for them. Giving your teen respect regarding their thoughts and feelings, creates a relationship that is based in mutual respect and love. Two very important bases for discipline in your family environment.  

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com