CST Recommendation: Film, "Depression: Out of the Shadows"

During my time working at an inpatient treatment facility for substance-using teens, I spent a lot of time looking for videos to show them. One particular day, I found this film at a local library, "Depression: Out of the Shadows" and I was so happy I did! It's a very informative film, but despite its educational format, most of the teens were glued to the screen.

Parents Using Public Shaming As Discipline: What Are The Implications?

There has been a lot of buzz online lately regarding the topic of using "public-shaming" as a method of disciplining children. Videos are going viral every few days, and they seem to be holding the attention of most of the nation. The videos typically depict a parent announcing to watchers what their child has done - skipping class, smoking marijuana, getting bad grades, etc - and the parent is inflicting some form of punishment as a response to the child's actions. The "public shame" comes in as parents begin to yell at their child, putting them down, cutting their hair in an unfashionable style, and more. The purpose being to embarrass the child for the world to see, with the hopes that the child will now regret their choice and correct their behavior. Some videos show parents stating this in so many words, "You have embarrassed me (the parent), so now I will embarrass you (and show this humiliating moment to your peers and the world)."

This trend seems to have caught wind and is taking off in a major way; however, many questions have also begun to arise: How effective is this new form of public-shaming as a discipline method? Is it right? What are the boundaries? And quite often - Since it is illegal to hit your children, will this work instead?

In today's world, discipline can be a major challenge for families. Most of the population requires two income-earning parents to make ends meet, and for single-family homes, long hours leave little time and energy for addressing disciplinary concerns. Every family experiences their own challenges and it often becomes necessary to look for new and creative ways of effectively guiding children towards positive decision-making. As a family therapist, I regularly hear parents voice their concern regarding the lack of viable options when providing negative consequences; they either feel consequences do not work long term or they have not yet found something valuable enough to motivate their child to make improvements. 

Regarding this new fad of "public shaming videos", there are a few very important factors to consider first:

• You're Behaving Just Like a Bully - social media is a tool often used by bullies. You do not want to emulate the adolescent behavior your child encounters with peers on a daily basis. As a parent, you want to stand out as an authority figure, not descend to the level of an immature child. Children either experience or witness online bullying every day, and Public Shaming feeds into this negative cycle
• Online Posts Last Forever - once you post a video, tweet, image, etc, it's online for good. A video can be shared to sites you are not even aware of, and once your moment of anger has passed, you've put out a lasting negative image of your child that will not go away. Long after your child's behavior has been corrected, the image could come back to haunt them. How would you feel if your biggest mistake was being viewed and scrutinized by thousands (sometimes millions) of strangers? If someone wanted to insult your child by calling them a thug,drug abuser, or worse, they would be justified in doing so through means provided by the child's own parent
• Adolescence is the Worst Age for Shaming - during teen years, we are forming who we are. Our sense of self can be very unstable and these uncertainties can cause an increased amount of insecurities. This is the worst time for feelings of shame and embarrassment, as situations can cause your child to incorporate these negative experiences into their sense of identity. Teens put a great deal of importance on reputation and videos of this nature can cause damage that is perceived as unfixable, which in turn can cause feelings of overwhelm and depression

Some parents will agree that this form of discipline is not a viable option, but ask (rightfully so): "Then what options do I have?" 

• Increase the Fun and Enjoyment So There's Something to Take Away - make sure to spend a good amount of time doing fun activities as a family and letting your child socialize with peers. Your child will be motivated to correct a problem when they feel there is something good to return to. Quite often, children have revealed in therapy "I don't care if they put me on punishment; I hardly do anything anyway."
• Don't Discipline Your Child When You Are Angry - if you need to, separate yourself from the situation and come back when you feel calm. Decisions made in a time of anger are often negative and we perform actions we later regret
• Get a Long Term Plan - while discipline is ideally consistent and timely, if you are truly uncertain about what to do, leave it alone for the moment. Get a long term plan. Involve yourself in therapy, parenting classes, parenting groups, online support groups, and more. There are resources out there for you to get the support you need. Parenting classes are not taken because someone is not a "good" parent; the purpose is to provide families with effective tools to address the challenges that will inevitably arise. It's like adding tools to your tool belt. You want as many ideas and options as possible, in order to find the right balance for your family

What are your thoughts? Have you seen Public Shaming Videos in your social media feed? What reaction do you have?

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Using Family Albums In Therarpy: PhotoTherapy Work from Creative Solutions Therapy

Would you photos remain the same? Who would be left out? Who's photos would you add? Would the group shots be rearranged in some way?

Answers to questions like these spark self-discovery and a wide range of therapeutic benefits. 

What benefit can you see for PhotoTherapy methods?

Comment below and visit www.csolutionstherapy.com for more info!!

 

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Create a Healthy Support System to Reduce Depression Symptoms and More

Sometimes the best thing for our mental health is our support system. What does yours look like? 

Having an adequate support system can help maintain good mental health in many ways, to name a few:

- having a healthy social life gives you options for things to do, rather than sitting home ruminating on negativity and reinforcing depressive thoughts 

- being responsible to a group of people who will be contacting you, looking for you, or in physical contact with you keeps you motivated to take care of yourself (something that depression can take away)

- your support system is a resource network: you never know what helpful resources your friends and family may connect you to, unless you ask. Whether it be financial, emotional, etc 

- and, we all need someone to talk to! 

Holding in emotions and thoughts leads to a destructive cycle, escalating the level of depression or anxiety. 

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Featured on the TV Show Fatal Attraction on TV One!

A few pictures from this weekend shooting for the show, Fatal Attraction - TV One 

I flew to the Midwest to give commentary on a very interesting murder case, from a therapist's perspective. It was a great experience! It was a quick trip, but I enjoyed speaking on the relationship dynamics of the people involved in the case - very explosive things come into play when there are unhealthy behaviors, betrayal, dishonesty, and jealousy. 

I can't say much more than that for now. The episode will likely air this Fall, I will keep you posted!! 

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

CST Book Recommendation: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

I always suggest books, movies, and activities to clients as a supplement to therapy. They are a great way for clients to solidify and continue the changes we are discussing in session. This book has been a GREAT tool for clients. It is by one of my favorite self-help/therapy topic authors, Lundy Bancroft - along with JAC Patrissi. When I looked it up on Amazon to make the suggestion, I found the perfect synopsis -  the authors "offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward-with or without their partners.

Women involved in chronically frustrating or unfulfilling relationships will learn to:

-Tell the difference between a healthy-yet-difficult relationship and one that is really not working

- Recognize the signs that their partner has a serious problem

- Stop waiting to see what happens-and make their own growth the top priority

- Prepare for life without their partner-even as they keep trying to make the relationship work" 

I suggest keeping a journal while reading books, especially one this thought-provoking and engaging. If anyone has read this book, or plans to, I would love to hear about it!

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Homework Assignments in Therapy

To get the most out of therapy: Do your homework!! Hearing helpful information and making thoughtful breakthroughs only go so far as your ACTIONS. Make sure to work in between sessions & get the most out of your experience 

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Open House Jan. 23rd!

Our office is having an Open House tomorrow evening!! If you are a professional in the South Florida/Broward County area we invite YOU to come out and join us! It will be a great opportunity to tour our new office and mingle with other professionals. We will have food, gift bags & a raffle for a special giveaway. If you know someone who would like to attend, pass the info along! Email me csolutionstherapy@gmail.com for any questions!

7520 NW 5th Street, suite 206

Plantation, FL 33317

How to Make it Easier to Communicate with Your Teen

In my work with teens, I've seen and heard many issues arise across the board. There are just some things that are common amongst this population, no matter what the original problem was that brought them to therapy. One such issue is the low quality of communication between teens and their parents. And oftentimes the main issue there is a teen feeling misunderstood, or as if their thoughts and opinions are belittled.