Talking with the Students at Take Stock In Children Miami - A Mentor and Scholarship Program for Students In Miami-Dade

 

I was very excited to meet with students at the "Take Stock In Children" summer program here in South Florida earlier this month! The amazing staff meets with teens for weeks throughout the summer, exposing them to experiences that are sure to change the course of their lives. On this particular day, I was invited to speak to them as part of an ongoing series, similar to the typical Career-Day at school. It reminded me of a summer program I did at the University of Notre Dame as a teenager, in which we listened to engineers from every field give us an idea of what it took to get to their current position and what their day-to-day life looks like. I was happy to share a little about myself, because I think conversations like these are what really help teens to begin to form their own ideas about specific future goals.

Parents Using Public Shaming As Discipline: What Are The Implications?

There has been a lot of buzz online lately regarding the topic of using "public-shaming" as a method of disciplining children. Videos are going viral every few days, and they seem to be holding the attention of most of the nation. The videos typically depict a parent announcing to watchers what their child has done - skipping class, smoking marijuana, getting bad grades, etc - and the parent is inflicting some form of punishment as a response to the child's actions. The "public shame" comes in as parents begin to yell at their child, putting them down, cutting their hair in an unfashionable style, and more. The purpose being to embarrass the child for the world to see, with the hopes that the child will now regret their choice and correct their behavior. Some videos show parents stating this in so many words, "You have embarrassed me (the parent), so now I will embarrass you (and show this humiliating moment to your peers and the world)."

This trend seems to have caught wind and is taking off in a major way; however, many questions have also begun to arise: How effective is this new form of public-shaming as a discipline method? Is it right? What are the boundaries? And quite often - Since it is illegal to hit your children, will this work instead?

In today's world, discipline can be a major challenge for families. Most of the population requires two income-earning parents to make ends meet, and for single-family homes, long hours leave little time and energy for addressing disciplinary concerns. Every family experiences their own challenges and it often becomes necessary to look for new and creative ways of effectively guiding children towards positive decision-making. As a family therapist, I regularly hear parents voice their concern regarding the lack of viable options when providing negative consequences; they either feel consequences do not work long term or they have not yet found something valuable enough to motivate their child to make improvements. 

Regarding this new fad of "public shaming videos", there are a few very important factors to consider first:

• You're Behaving Just Like a Bully - social media is a tool often used by bullies. You do not want to emulate the adolescent behavior your child encounters with peers on a daily basis. As a parent, you want to stand out as an authority figure, not descend to the level of an immature child. Children either experience or witness online bullying every day, and Public Shaming feeds into this negative cycle
• Online Posts Last Forever - once you post a video, tweet, image, etc, it's online for good. A video can be shared to sites you are not even aware of, and once your moment of anger has passed, you've put out a lasting negative image of your child that will not go away. Long after your child's behavior has been corrected, the image could come back to haunt them. How would you feel if your biggest mistake was being viewed and scrutinized by thousands (sometimes millions) of strangers? If someone wanted to insult your child by calling them a thug,drug abuser, or worse, they would be justified in doing so through means provided by the child's own parent
• Adolescence is the Worst Age for Shaming - during teen years, we are forming who we are. Our sense of self can be very unstable and these uncertainties can cause an increased amount of insecurities. This is the worst time for feelings of shame and embarrassment, as situations can cause your child to incorporate these negative experiences into their sense of identity. Teens put a great deal of importance on reputation and videos of this nature can cause damage that is perceived as unfixable, which in turn can cause feelings of overwhelm and depression

Some parents will agree that this form of discipline is not a viable option, but ask (rightfully so): "Then what options do I have?" 

• Increase the Fun and Enjoyment So There's Something to Take Away - make sure to spend a good amount of time doing fun activities as a family and letting your child socialize with peers. Your child will be motivated to correct a problem when they feel there is something good to return to. Quite often, children have revealed in therapy "I don't care if they put me on punishment; I hardly do anything anyway."
• Don't Discipline Your Child When You Are Angry - if you need to, separate yourself from the situation and come back when you feel calm. Decisions made in a time of anger are often negative and we perform actions we later regret
• Get a Long Term Plan - while discipline is ideally consistent and timely, if you are truly uncertain about what to do, leave it alone for the moment. Get a long term plan. Involve yourself in therapy, parenting classes, parenting groups, online support groups, and more. There are resources out there for you to get the support you need. Parenting classes are not taken because someone is not a "good" parent; the purpose is to provide families with effective tools to address the challenges that will inevitably arise. It's like adding tools to your tool belt. You want as many ideas and options as possible, in order to find the right balance for your family

What are your thoughts? Have you seen Public Shaming Videos in your social media feed? What reaction do you have?

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Featured in June 2015 Cosmo for Latinas Article!

 

Check out the newest issue of Cosmo for Latinas, page 113! I am cited as an expert source for an article on relationships.

The article discusses the choices we make in our dating lives and the partners we choose. When we choose a partner we are attracted to, but the relationship ultimately brings us hurt and pain, are there alternatives for a better result? The writer, Natasha Burton, suggests that there are changes we can make in our decision-making process to bring about the same level of satisfaction and excitement, while balancing getting our emotional needs met.

This is a great read! Let me know what you think - how do you find a balance in your relationships?

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Using Family Albums In Therarpy: PhotoTherapy Work from Creative Solutions Therapy

Would you photos remain the same? Who would be left out? Who's photos would you add? Would the group shots be rearranged in some way?

Answers to questions like these spark self-discovery and a wide range of therapeutic benefits. 

What benefit can you see for PhotoTherapy methods?

Comment below and visit www.csolutionstherapy.com for more info!!

 

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Thank You for a Great Event! "The Mask You Live In" Screening May 15, 2015

On May 15th, we finally got the chance to share the film, "The Mask You Live In" with the community! It took months of planning and many sleepless nights, but it was worth it! To be able to bring such a revolutionary topic to the public was priceless.

The discussion centered around our pre-conceived notions on what it means to "Be a man" - and how to balance a healthy sense of masculinity, while giving our boys the skills to be emotionally expressive. Families and teens shared their own experiences on thoughts on ways in which our society can encourage anger and violence as ways for a man to express himself, while discouraging healthy expression of sadness, depression, and other emotions that are often looked at as "weak."

The participation was GREAT and we loved hearing the perspectives of the crowd. Thank you!!

What I loved most about doing this event with someone who is not only my colleague, but my FRIEND, was the FUN we had!

Read on to see more photos from the event

3 Major Issues Teens Deal with in Today's World: From a Therapist

 

 

I own a private practice in South Florida and one of my specialties is working with teens and their relationships with their parents. Because of my work, I have encountered teens who are dealing with issues such as depression/bipolar disorder, self-harm/cutting, substance abuse, and symptoms from an experienced trauma. No matter what mental health issues a teen is dealing with, there are always common issues across the board. The top three issues I've seen arise the most are:

Create a Healthy Support System to Reduce Depression Symptoms and More

Sometimes the best thing for our mental health is our support system. What does yours look like? 

Having an adequate support system can help maintain good mental health in many ways, to name a few:

- having a healthy social life gives you options for things to do, rather than sitting home ruminating on negativity and reinforcing depressive thoughts 

- being responsible to a group of people who will be contacting you, looking for you, or in physical contact with you keeps you motivated to take care of yourself (something that depression can take away)

- your support system is a resource network: you never know what helpful resources your friends and family may connect you to, unless you ask. Whether it be financial, emotional, etc 

- and, we all need someone to talk to! 

Holding in emotions and thoughts leads to a destructive cycle, escalating the level of depression or anxiety. 

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com