Sunday, August 30, 2015

How Can Periscope and Snap Chat Transform Your Family's Communication - Comprehensive Tips from a Family Therapist

[image courtesy of nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net]


So often I am presented in a therapy session with the issue of Family Time and Communication - in today's world, it is hard to balance work life, personal time, and being present for our partner and children. Or if the time is available, families are not always sure exactly how to connect - especially with teens. Parents can feel like no matter what they try, their child is uninterested in talking with them. They pick them up from school and ask, "How was your day?" only to get a neutral, tight-lipped response. Or they try taking them out for something "fun" only to get the same reaction as always - short sentences that don't reveal much.

One suggestion I make is to connect with a person by meeting them where they are at, and in the case of trying to connect with kids and teens, where they are at is usually online! There are many social media platforms for a reason, people love to be in communication with one another - especially your teenager!

Since your kids are more than likely spending most of their time and energy on their phone or tablet, why not try connecting with them there? Sites like Snap Chat, Facebook, Twitter, and Periscope may sound overwhelming at first but they don't have to be. Many of the families I work with start with almost zero knowledge in navigating social media. I work with teens a lot in my practice, therefore, I make it my business to know about trends and popular media, but I understand that the average working adult does not have time to do the same. For this reason, I have put together a short list of ways to use popular sites to a family's advantage.

I'm going to give a few examples and break it down so that it is simple and easy to apply right away. Find what works for you - for some, one site/application may fit better than others or you may choose to use all of them in different ways:

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Nakya Reeves, LMFT cited in Ebony Magazine article - "16 Rules for Back to School"


Just in time for the back to school season, Ebony Magazine has released an article, "16 Rules for Back to School" by Nina Malkin, in their August 2015 issue - in which I had the pleasure of being cited as an expert source! The article is a wonderful aid for parents who are getting ready for the upcoming school year, whether dealing with first time Kindergarteners or children who transitioning back into the groove. "Ebony got together with experts, bloggers, and real parents like you, culling their best tips and techniquest to make the school year as easy as A-B-C" (quote from the article).

It covers helpful routines, handling the morning, what to do about bullying, learning challenges, and more! I was able to give a little insight that relates to the issues I encounter with families I see in therapy.

Here's a little of what I had to say for the article:

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

CST Recommendation: Film, "Depression: Out of the Shadows"



During my time working at an inpatient treatment facility for substance-using teens, I spent a lot of time looking for videos to show them. One particular day, I found this film at a local library, "Depression: Out of the Shadows" and I was so happy I did! It's a very informative film, but despite its educational format, most of the teens were glued to the screen.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Talking with the Students at Take Stock In Children Miami - A Mentor and Scholarship Program for Students In Miami-Dade

 

I was very excited to meet with students at the "Take Stock In Children" summer program here in South Florida earlier this month! The amazing staff meets with teens for weeks throughout the summer, exposing them to experiences that are sure to change the course of their lives. On this particular day, I was invited to speak to them as part of an ongoing series, similar to the typical Career-Day at school. It reminded me of a summer program I did at the University of Notre Dame as a teenager, in which we listened to engineers from every field give us an idea of what it took to get to their current position and what their day-to-day life looks like. I was happy to share a little about myself, because I think conversations like these are what really help teens to begin to form their own ideas about specific future goals.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Parents Using Public Shaming As Discipline: What Are The Implications?




There has been a lot of buzz online lately regarding the topic of using "public-shaming" as a method of disciplining children. Videos are going viral every few days, and they seem to be holding the attention of most of the nation. The videos typically depict a parent announcing to watchers what their child has done - skipping class, smoking marijuana, getting bad grades, etc - and the parent is inflicting some form of punishment as a response to the child's actions. The "public shame" comes in as parents begin to yell at their child, putting them down, cutting their hair in an unfashionable style, and more. The purpose being to embarrass the child for the world to see, with the hopes that the child will now regret their choice and correct their behavior. Some videos show parents stating this in so many words, "You have embarrassed me (the parent), so now I will embarrass you (and show this humiliating moment to your peers and the world)."

This trend seems to have caught wind and is taking off in a major way; however, many questions have also begun to arise: How effective is this new form of public-shaming as a discipline method? Is it right? What are the boundaries? And quite often - Since it is illegal to hit your children, will this work instead?

In today's world, discipline can be a major challenge for families. Most of the population requires two income-earning parents to make ends meet, and for single-family homes, long hours leave little time and energy for addressing disciplinary concerns. Every family experiences their own challenges and it often becomes necessary to look for new and creative ways of effectively guiding children towards positive decision-making. As a family therapist, I regularly hear parents voice their concern regarding the lack of viable options when providing negative consequences; they either feel consequences do not work long term or they have not yet found something valuable enough to motivate their child to make improvements. 

Regarding this new fad of "public shaming videos", there are a few very important factors to consider first:

  • You're Behaving Just Like a Bully - social media is a tool often used by bullies. You do not want to emulate the adolescent behavior your child encounters with peers on a daily basis. As a parent, you want to stand out as an authority figure, not descend to the level of an immature child. Children either experience or witness online bullying every day, and Public Shaming feeds into this negative cycle
  • Online Posts Last Forever - once you post a video, tweet, image, etc, it's online for good. A video can be shared to sites you are not even aware of, and once your moment of anger has passed, you've put out a lasting negative image of your child that will not go away. Long after your child's behavior has been corrected, the image could come back to haunt them. How would you feel if your biggest mistake was being viewed and scrutinized by thousands (sometimes millions) of strangers? If someone wanted to insult your child by calling them a thug,drug abuser, or worse, they would be justified in doing so through means provided by the child's own parent
  • Adolescence is the Worst Age for Shaming - during teen years, we are forming who we are. Our sense of self can be very unstable and these uncertainties can cause an increased amount of insecurities. This is the worst time for feelings of shame and embarrassment, as situations can cause your child to incorporate these negative experiences into their sense of identity. Teens put a great deal of importance on reputation and videos of this nature can cause damage that is perceived as unfixable, which in turn can cause feelings of overwhelm and depression
Some parents will agree that this form of discipline is not a viable option, but ask (rightfully so): "Then what options do I have?" 
  • Increase the Fun and Enjoyment So There's Something to Take Away - make sure to spend a good amount of time doing fun activities as a family and letting your child socialize with peers. Your child will be motivated to correct a problem when they feel there is something good to return to. Quite often, children have revealed in therapy "I don't care if they put me on punishment; I hardly do anything anyway."
  • Don't Discipline Your Child When You Are Angry - if you need to, separate yourself from the situation and come back when you feel calm. Decisions made in a time of anger are often negative and we perform actions we later regret
  • Get a Long Term Plan - while discipline is ideally consistent and timely, if you are truly uncertain about what to do, leave it alone for the moment. Get a long term plan. Involve yourself in therapy, parenting classes, parenting groups, online support groups, and more. There are resources out there for you to get the support you need. Parenting classes are not taken because someone is not a "good" parent; the purpose is to provide families with effective tools to address the challenges that will inevitably arise. It's like adding tools to your tool belt. You want as many ideas and options as possible, in order to find the right balance for your family
What are your thoughts? Have you seen Public Shaming Videos in your social media feed? What reaction do you have?

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Featured in June 2015 Cosmo for Latinas Article!

 
Check out the newest issue of Cosmo for Latinas, page 113! I am cited as an expert source for an article on relationships.

The article discusses the choices we make in our dating lives and the partners we choose. When we choose a partner we are attracted to, but the relationship ultimately brings us hurt and pain, are there alternatives for a better result? The writer, Natasha Burton, suggests that there are changes we can make in our decision-making process to bring about the same level of satisfaction and excitement, while balancing getting our emotional needs met.

This is a great read! Let me know what you think - how do you find a balance in your relationships?

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Using Family Albums In Therarpy: PhotoTherapy Work from Creative Solutions Therapy



Would you photos remain the same? Who would be left out? Who's photos would you add? Would the group shots be rearranged in some way?

Answers to questions like these spark self-discovery and a wide range of therapeutic benefits. 

What benefit can you see for PhotoTherapy methods?

Comment below and visit www.csolutionstherapy.com for more info!!
 
- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com