Is My Relationship Healthy? Recognizing a Toxic Relationship and What to Do About It

Oftentimes clients come to therapy because they have choices to make. Something does not feel right in their life, and they needs the time and space to figure out what to do about it - and sometimes IF there is even something that needs to be done.

A common question I have seen clients deal with is: "Is my relationship healthy?" There is a line that separates normal relationship ups and downs from behaviors that are damaging and unhealthy. How can you assess where your relationship falls?

In determining this, here are a few things to think about (and remember, these points are valid in any relationship. Romantic relationships are not the only types of relationships that can be toxic):

• Take a look at your everyday life, and weigh out if the relationship is draining you of energy or resources. You should be receiving more energy from your relationship than you are exerting.
• When it comes to your private life, take an honest assessment of the things you are doing "in the name of love." Are you doing things you are uncomfortable with admitting to? Can you readily admit to your actions to the people who know you best and care for you? This can be a red flag because love should not humiliate us.
• Look at your future goals and aspirations. If you are not pursuing something you want in life (a job, a move, another friendship/relationship) because it threatens the relationship in question, then this is a sign that something is very wrong. Healthy relationships allow for growth

If you notice that you are in a relationship that you need to disconnect from, it can be hard to break out of old habits. Here a few suggestions for creating positive change:

Children are a Reflection of the Communication We Have with Them

Be mindful of the messages you send your child through the feedback you give them. If what we pay attention to is what we get more of, it would stand to reason that our children will continue to reflect what we are pointing out. Do an honest assessment of the communication you have with your child. If you find that the majority of the messages focus on what they are doing wrong, what they could be doing better, and what improvements they should be making - do an overhaul on your output! It may not seem like it, since teens are constantly showing us that they DON'T care what we have to say - but self esteem is built and broken first and foremost in the home. 

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Using Rituals as Ways of Symbolically Letting Go

When dealing with deep issues from the past, a great deal of the work in therapy involves coping with what has happened and finding ways of moving forward. As you are dealing with your emotions, it can be helpful to find creative ways of letting go. Over the years, I have worked with clients who have found many ways of doing just that. Here are a few examples: