CST Book Recommendation: The Anatomy of Peace

"The Anatomy of Peace" - by: The Arbinger Institute. 

I am forever grateful to have come across this book. It is an amazing resource for anyone on the topics of Communication and Conflict Resolution. Communication is one of my areas of specialty & I truly believe this is one of the best tools a client can utilize. I love the approach the authors have taken to address some pretty important communication skills. The book reads like a novel - has characters, a plot, interesting chapters, even a bit of humor - which makes it really easy to read. Clients actually want to finish this book; they are able to pick up tips and tools while simultaneously being entertained. 

 

The story begins with a very common & relatable communication issue - parents dealing with a challenging adolescent - and leads to many great places, including analyzing the mistakes we often make as co-workers, peers, spouses, friends, and even high powered executives & business partners.

#Selfies - Using the Self-Portrait in the Therapy Room

If you are not aware, "selfie" is a term used in popular media to describe a picture that is taken by a person of that person. Selfies are fun - we see pictures of people holding their phones in just the right position to capture a new outfit, an exciting moment, new hairstyle, or whatever. Selfies show the world what we are doing, and how good we look doing it! It's probably the most common way of sharing photos on Instagram, Facebook, SnapChat - you name it. You see the word everywhere - articles, blogs...I think there is even a show called Selfie (though I'm not sure if the same definition applies). So how can this phenomenon, commonly used for entertainment, be helpful in a therapeutic way?

CST Communication Skills Tip: Listen to Understand, Not to Convince

One of my areas of specialty is communication. Over the years, I have had much experience providing resources and information for couples and family members on ways to communicate more effectively. In communication, LISTENING is one of the most important skills to master. I love the expression that says we have TWO ears and ONE mouth for a reason - listening is more vital. Here I will outline one specific aspect of Listening as a communication skill: Listening to Understand.

When I sit back and observe challenging conversations in the therapy room, one pattern repeats itself over and over - people who are supposed to care deeply for one another, have no idea how to show love through their communication. In a conversation, most people are only listening to the other person enough to gather the information they need to formulate their own argument points. People begin to operate as opponents, rather than using communication for strengthening their relationships.

Parenting Tip: The Airplane Metaphor

There's a metaphor I have used for years in practicing therapy with families. Specifically, parents who are stressed and need a little encouragement to take a little focus off the needs of their family and place some of that energy back into themselves. I call that metaphor, "The Airplane Metaphor."  It's been a while since my school and/or intern days, so I can't even remember where I got it from, or what theories came together to word it so well, but I do know this - it gets the point across every time. 

Alternative Emotional Expression for Teens Dealing with Trauma

[These pictures are shown with permission from my clients] - The collages shown were done by a few teenagers I worked with in a therapy session focused on trauma they had experienced. I often find that, for some clients, it is difficult to verbally express feelings relating to certain topics such as trauma, deep rooted self esteem issues, problems in their family, divorce, etc. In these cases, I like to find alternate means of expression that can be just as therapeutic as a conversation about feelings. I push clients to go deep in alternate-media sessions,
and often get interesting interpretations - which turn into deep, revealing sessions

Here are the clients' explanation of their creations:

Domestic Violence Awareness - Power and Control Wheel

In honor of October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month I wanted to share this resource. The Power and Control Wheel is useful as a tool for prevention and education. Parents can use it with teens to discuss this challenging subject, as well as to increase their awareness for their own future relationships. Individuals who may have experienced abuse find this tool useful as well, in order to increase their own recognition of behaviors and patterns that they may not have noticed in the past.

We may not always recognize destructive behaviors and patterns

Creative Solutions is Offering a Parenting Therapy Group! Nov. 6, 2014

In collaboration with Happy Home Therapy, Creative Solutions Therapy is offering a therapy group for parents on the topic of Stress Management and Self-Nurturing! This group is great for couples with children and teens, single parents, and working parents.
The daily stresses of modern life - home life, career, romantic relationships, children - make it hard to prioritize SELF and provide proper self-care and nurturing. Learn ways in which stress effects your mental health and relationships, and how to prioritize YOU in a way that creates a healthy balance.

November 6, 2014
6:30-8:00pm
7520 NW 5th St, suite 206
Plantation, FL 33317

Search the event on Event Brite or email us to register now!
csolutionstherapy@gmail.com for questions

Self-Nurturing as a Parenting Practice

The quote shown in the picture speaks to many parents and brings up the discussion of raising self-sufficient children. While it also discusses the boundary of what is considered too much indulgence or the line where actions can be considered as "spoiling" children, I want to focus on the part that mentions teaching. Many parents put a lot of effort into the actions they perform in the name of nurturing their children on a daily basis; some even consider sacrifice as the best parenting practice. Parents would do well to take caution in their behaviors, however, because while you may feel that tending to your children and ignoring your own needs is a good way to show children that they are important - you can actually be choosing behaviors that are counteracting your intentions.

Your Partner is Not (Solely) Responsible for Meeting Your Needs

Around the time in my career when I began to gain more experience working with couples, I put a status on my social media page that read: "Another person or a relationship is not supposed to meet your needs. You're supposed to get your needs met through your inner self and your spiritual life. Once you learn to lean on those things as a primary source, then everything another person does is just the cherry on top. If people could figure that out, I think relationships would be way less stressful because we wouldn't be so hard on each other."

By working with couples, I noticed a pattern when it came to the lack of relationship satisfaction

Using Rituals as Ways of Symbolically Letting Go

When dealing with deep issues from the past, a great deal of the work in therapy involves coping with what has happened and finding ways of moving forward. As you are dealing with your emotions, it can be helpful to find creative ways of letting go. Over the years, I have worked with clients who have found many ways of doing just that. Here are a few examples:

Respite Care - A Break for Families with Special Needs

Working with parents of children with disabilities made something very clear - too often self-nurturing takes a backseat to the needs and care of the children. Since our children deserve the best, it's to be expected that we give them our all, right? Wrong. The best gift you can give to your family is the BEST version of you. This means self-care has to be a priority. Proper sleep, health, and stress management for yourself should be just as important as the care you give your children.

For families with a disabled family member -  for example developmental disabilities such as Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or Autism Spectrum Disorder - this can be a challenging task. Resources and support are important in this case. Working with families I've found that most families are not aware of Respite Care.

Meditation and Mindfulness for Mental Health

Meditation and Mindfulness are practices that are highly recommended for anyone struggling with anxiety or depression symptoms. The depression you may feel can come from past trauma, a symptom of bipolar disorder, and/or a range of other issues. Meditation gets your mind focused on the here and now; if you are depressed, chances are you are too focused on the past, and if you are anxious, chances are you are focused on future worries. Allow even 30 minutes in your day to clear your mind of these issues and you will see your stress - and therefore anxiety and depression symptoms - alleviate over time.

Some good tips for beginners:

CST Book Recommendation: 72 Hour Hold

"72 Hour Hold" is one of my favorite suggestions for clients when are dealing with issues surrounding mental illness. I believe in using every aspect of our lives in a way that is therapeutic - books and movies we use for entertainment, leisure time, meditation, etc.
This book, "72 Hour Hold" by Bebe Moore Campbell is
a great story about a mother dealing with the struggles of parenting her bi-polar daughter. I used passages from the book with a client of mine - a mother with the same issue - and it made a huge impact! It's an older book, but definitely a great read.

- written by Nakya Reeves, LMFT. I am a therapist and owner of a private practice where my main focus is working with families on communication issues, especially the parent-teen relationship. I also utilize PhotoTherapy techniques in my practice, which integrates bringing in photos that the client has taken or collected as a part of the therapy process. I can be contacted any time at csolutionstherapy@gmail.com

Baby Steps..